You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize