it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
