my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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