my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
