there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
