I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
