Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
