normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
