Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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