He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
