I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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