Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
