my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
