yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
