is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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