We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
