they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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