i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
