call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
