You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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