if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
