you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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