My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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