I wish my penis had an off switch
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
