You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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