Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
