i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i dont even know how to be here
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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