before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
