We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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