what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
