I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
