the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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