Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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