Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
