I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
