I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
