so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
