i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
