M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
