I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
