That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
