I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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