My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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