I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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