she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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