Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
