I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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