Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
