Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
