I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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