"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
