Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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