And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
