I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
