2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
