I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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