Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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