the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
