NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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