Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
