3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
