well I can't set my house on fire every night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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