her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
