Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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