Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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