ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
