we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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