you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
