just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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