Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize